*** ELDO–OLOGY ***
ELDO-OLOGY is fiction based on facts Here for Your Entertainment.
Meet Eldo……. and enjoy the ride!!!
*** ELDO–OLOGY ***
ELDO-OLOGY is fiction based on facts Here for Your Entertainment.
Meet Eldo……. and enjoy the ride!!!
It’s 2004 and it was just Jeff and me, 2 dudes travelling together.
Then this girl comes along………….
………. and the rest of the story? Well, I have never been the same!
Let me first introduce myself. I’m a Jeep Cherokee, you know a “Chic Magnet”. And I’m cool, really cool. The kind of cool that makes others stop in their tracks and wish they were me. Well, Jeff is kinda cool too in a “human” sort of way. But he has his limit on “coolness”, unlike me which can go on forever. Or so I thought. Then this girl comes along and she wants to use me. Oh yes, I have been used before for hauling things and running errands but I figured that was the price I had to pay for my coolness. But “she” is different.
She does this “human” thing to Jeff. You know, batting of the eyes and big smile. I can tell his eyes are glazing over and I think he’s drooling alittle. So I think “no big deal, humans are doing this to him all the time”. But he looks different this time. I can’t quite put my tire on it. It’s curious. Then she says it “We can take out the insides and turn it into a bed”. I gasp and even leak alittle radiator fluid (embarrasing)! “Please Jeff say no, walk away. Remember it’s just you and me? Two dudes hauling things?”.
But he’s nodding his head like those dolls “humans” put in the back of lesser class vehicles than me. “She” says the back seat can come out, the flooring can come out and bare metal will be showing. I’m so upset and start to drip alittle more radiator fluid (which no one is noticing as Jeff is still staring at her and drooling). I have never been stripped down before and in front of the she human. This is so degrading!
I remember this happening to a Volkswagon bus once. It was a long time ago but it is still talked about in car dealerships (of course once all the “humans” have left for the day). Now I will be just like that Volkswagon bus. Could life get any lower?
I sigh and feel my tires soften just a bit. Just enough to take away my coolness. Then the “humans” start. I think this day will go down in history for all Jeep Cherokees.
I won’t go into detail concerning the “stripping of my insides” but it is comparable to vultures cleaning a carcass (I am very familiar with road kill techniques). My coolness and dignity are now gone (donations of pity and/or money accepted) and I will never be the same. Where my dignity once was, there is now a foam bed, storage boxes and even (gasp) curtains. My name has been changed. I am no longer “cool dude” but will be called “Eldo”. It is short for El Dorado and something to do with a song Jeff likes. At this point, I’m not listening to Jeff anymore.
I’m noticing “she” goes everywhere with Jeff now. She even puts her bare feet on my beautiful Pewter finish. Except “she” does most of the driving. What’s up with that? Oh yeah, the old car sick excuse…. has she really puked that much? Oh wait, I do remember when I didn’t stop in time and it got on the outside of me. Oh, that smelled for days! So I guess it’s a trade off between “puke on my pewter” or Jeff in the passenger seat? Well, you can guess my choice.
I have not accepted “she” yet and am not listening to Jeff so it can get pretty lonely at times. I don’t like it when “she” works on me as it appears there is some trouble with boundaries (bare feet on pewter finish). But Jeff helps me and I like it when he fixes me. He’s quite handy (but I’m still not listening to him) and has a way of figuring things out. I have a solar battery system and he rebuilt my transmission (sweet!). That’s pretty good (don’t tell him I said that). I always feel better after he has worked on me. I do wish though they would stop complaining about my air conditioning system. I don’t think it was meant to be used for hours in a desert!
I do say, it is humiliating to carry water around on my roof (think if “humans carried toilets on their backs). “Cool Dude” would never do that. It throws me off balance when I’m moving. Taken me a bit to get used to. I remember when I was younger, just a small little Jeep-ette and new to the world. I was told about “humans”and now I’m learning.
Oh no! “she” is coming towards me and carrying nail polish bottles. Oh, no! this means feet on my dashboard again and the smell?! Ugh!!!!
Something happened the other day and it’s making me wonder about all this. We were stopped at an overlook (“humans” do that) and “she” tied a hammock to the back of me (I feel so used….boundaries…Hello….). A man pulls up beside us and asks if he can take a picture. I’m thinking “Oh, so I can be laughed at and ridiculed”. He is probably a reporter for “Jeeps R Us” and wants to include this picture in the strange and weird Jeep story section. He takes more than one picture and I am sinking with embarrassment. Then he says, “Cool Jeep!”. Jeff is beaming with pride while “she” is swinging on the hammock. What is that all about? He thinks I’m cool? My tires inflate just a bit and I can feel my front bumper raise in pride. Hm-m-m. Maybe this reporter sees something I don’t.
I hear Jeff say to “she” that I am cool and a great Jeep. Right….. why didn’t he say that to me? What is happening to him? It used to be only Jeff and me. Hm-m-m. I need to keep a headlight on her, figure out what she is up to.
This trip started in a rural part of central Florida. I spent a wonderful week at a resort on the Suwanee River. Ah-h-h, those memories of Jeff working on me. They would talk about trip plans and supplies needed which only increased my anxiety towards future “Jeep renovations”. I was parked between two empty chicken barns (humiliating) except they weren’t really empty and a huge fan was used to cool the humans. So, chickens tend to leave souvenirs of well…. let me say, the film left on me was not pleasant. But I endured and took a hit for all Jeep Cherokees out there.
It was time to leave the resort to start the trip. “She” refers to it as dreaming or dreamers or dream travel or something like that. I’m sure I’ll get it right before this trip is over. These humans are very excited about this and it seems other humans have caught this also. Others at the resort are wishing them well and hugging them good bye. My insides are shown off and lots of oh-h-hs and ah-h-hs are going on. Really? What a violation (I should be attending a support group for this sort of thing). You should have seen how cool I was before all this! But we finally leave on the dirt road to exit onto another road with acres of farms on either side. We stop at the stop sign and don’t go any further. We are way out in the middle of nowhere. I notice there are other vehicles behind me. It seems the humans don’t know which way to turn, right or left? Ugh! It is going to be a long trip.
One of the vehicles pulled up beside me and is carrying something called a “mother” in it. Not sure what that is, but the humans seemed to be paying attention to her. She is shaking her head and rolling her eyes as they leave. I saw this behavior in a teenager once and was confused. We are still sitting at the stop sign. What does this mean? I am very nervous.
She says I am “home”. Not quite sure what that means and I am certainly not trusting yet (still have my headlight on her at all times). But every now and then, I get a warm tingling feeling in my radiator fluid. The level is right and Jeff is always making sure all my fluids are okay. So, I don’t get it. Maybe I am coming down with a car flu. I’ve heard it is bad. Except she does things and then I get that tingling feeling. So, I think if it was the car flu, I would be getting worse and worse. Hm-m-m-m.
So, she takes my tire wheel cover off (I’m over it by now) and turns it into a kitchen table, puts screens on my windows using magnets and he always puts flowers on my dash for her. She and Jeff say I am “home” and then my radiator fluid tingles again. What is this home thing? It’s confusing because I have been in driveways that others call home but we are always moving around. What is happening to me? Maybe it is the car flu? Except I was recently parked in a driveway next to another vehicle and my radiator fluid was tingling again. I don’t get it! The other vehicle was Elda and she was pretty cool. But that is not a reason to have your radiator fluid tingle.
Sometimes we stop and she sits on my hood just looking at the view and this calmness comes over me. It never used to be that way. Then the time she sat in the back drinking coffee, it was kinda nice. Not sure if I have “home” or the “flu”. But something is happening to me!
I’ve always taken pride in maintaining a clean exterior. It’s the best way to be really cool. But, it seems the humans do not want me to be clean anymore. Something about “blending in”. So, they deliberately do not wash me. Ugh! Have they any idea what this does to my self-esteem? Granted I’m not a Jeep-ette anymore. Actually I’m 13 years old, not quite in my prime but don’t have one tire in the grave yet. I’ve heard that when “humans” get old, they “slip up”. What does that mean anyhow? That they can’t do as much as they used to? Believe me, I can relate. Just the other day I was trying to go up this huge hill. I think the humans called it a mountain. Whew! By the time I got to the top, my fluids were spewing, tires smokin’, engine steamin’ and I just wanted to lean up against the nearest tree for a long rest. Back in the days, Jeff and I used to race around hills, up and down roads all over the place and I could go on and on. But now, well, maybe if I wasn’t carrying water on my roof, full bedroom inside, solar panels and half a household, I could perform better. This has nothing to do with getting old!
So, I said, I want my exterior to be clean. Sometimes this does happen but only by accident. When we stop in a town, other humans will run to me and start washing me. Ah-h-h that feels so good (like scratchin’ an itch you could never reach). When they wash me, it makes me relax and I can feel my headlights droop. All of a sudden, She and Jeff run out to stop them. Stop? Why, don’t stop! I like it (like I really have any say in the matter?). The other humans go away and now I am only half clean. I guess humans could compare it to wearing half a sweater, combing half of their hair or brushing half of their teeth (thank goodness, I do not have to do any of those things, Ugh!). So here I stand with prior hopes of regaining some of my dignity and coolness. Standing in a puddle of dirty water and feeling the mud drip off my sides….. dreaming of a car wash.
Have I mentioned land and water hazards those humans have exposed me to? There must be a hot line I call to report them; 1-800-pot-hole? Let’s just say, the roads I have been driving on are not the same as Florida roads. Ah-h-h Florida, land of paved, flat roads. I remember those. Now, I’ve driven thru mud up to my fenders, pot holes that hit my frame (didn’t see any posted warning signs) and water across roads that I don’t know where land is when I enter. Ugh! Water is the worse because it often is moving and not in the direction I want to go. Humans are clueless! Don’t they know I can’t float? I suppose I did float on that “barge” when Jeff used a hand crank to move the “barge” across the river. Wasn’t really pleasurable, but I endured.
I once heard a story of a Mercedes G-Wagon that was transported in a shipping container and picked up by a spider crane. A rusty barge was involved. So I suppose it could be worse, regardless it is scary. But we keep traveling regardless of environmental hazards. These humans seem to like water. Many times I am parked by a lake, river, ocean and sometimes beside a boat. Do they think I will learn to float by hanging around a boat? Well that reminds me, one of my many talents is poetry.
So here goes…..
Parked by a boat
Pondering my demise.
They think I can float
But I am much too wise.
A car will sink
This much is true.
What do those humans think?
What are they making me do?
I’m happy on land,
Florida’s the best.
Perhaps I should take a stand,
And just lay down and rest.
But here we are on this trip.
Never know where it will end.
Water everywhere and not just a drip.
Please send me “tire floaties” if you can!
This is a sad time for me. My friend has died. She wasn’t even a Jeep, she was a car (I’ve been known to associate with cars). It was so sudden, an accident and she has been totaled. She is in a car graveyard now. Yeah, she was old, but her work was not done here.
She would transport grandchildren everywhere and was so careful with those children. They were priceless to her. She didn’t even mind when gummy bears got smashed into the carpet or soda splashed on her windows. She would hear the laughter and just drive along, oh so careful. Even when the oldest grandchild was learning to drive, she was the first vehicle he drove. Oh it made her so proud. I still remember her bragging that she was the best vehicle on the road. Well, except that time when the grandson stepped on the accelerator a little too hard and fast. She was embarrassed as she passed gas in excitement. Who was this boy behind the wheel?
She knew her job was to take care of those grandchildren. She was so proud driving up in the school yard, watching the children get out. Her headlights would raise ever so slightly in pride. Even when they put dirty feet on the seat, left crumpled up homework or put bare feet on the inside windshield. And all this while she was driving. Ugh! But she was careful and didn’t mind the sand, dirt and mud those grandchildren brought in. She would listen to long conversations which were often filled with laughter. But sometimes there were tears and she worried that she had done something wrong, like an exhaust leak, low on gas or soft tires. Just when she would finish checking everything out, the laughter would start again. She even tolerated the loud music being played, all different kinds (meditation helped her through this part). She took care of those grandchildren and it made a difference. They will always remember her.
She left us too soon ……..
……… her work was not done.
Dedicated to her grandchildren.
It’s been hard to get over my friend’s death. I haven’t quite been myself lately. I’ve heard “humans” talk about a “weakened immune system” when one is sad. I tried to figure that one out. Is it like my electrical system?
I broke down the other day for the first time since we began this trip and I think it’s because of my weakened immune system! The “humans” are happy I waited until they were in a safe place, but I didn’t tell them there was no waiting and really, a safe place? Cars break down when they do and there is no waiting or time frame for it to happen. It can be compared to a human bladder, when it goes, it goes! So, I broke down, not proud of it but it happens. The humans took good care of me and I have a new hose to show for it.
Do wonder if this has anything to do with my “immune system”. Where really is my immune system? Could I find it in the owner’s manual? I saw this statement ” Please be aware that all current vehicle navigation systems have certain limitations that may affect their ability to perform properly”. I bet that is my immune system and when I am feeling sad it affects “my ability to perform properly”. That’s it! My navigation system is my immune system but not sure where it is! Now to just fix that and I’ll be good to go. I hope my “humans” know this.
So, I would appreciate some help. If there are any other humans out there that know about this, please let my “humans” know. I’m not sure what will break next……
I thought I was special to them, something unique and part of their lives. But no…..I have been left with a total stranger! They said they would be back to get me in 3 weeks. Right, like I know what 3 weeks is? Is it one tank of gas or an oil change? Haven’t a clue. So here I sit waiting…….. and waiting….. and waiting.
There are other vehicles here but all they do is speak Spanish. And they talk, talk, talk all the time! But not to me, they just look. One time they were talking (of course) and looking at me, then they started laughing at the water tank I carry. I don’t know what they were saying, but I’m sure it wasn’t “Look how cool this Jeep is”. You know how I knew it was the water tank they were laughing at? Well, all their headlights raised up to me at the same time. Ugh! How embarrasing! But I just sit and wait.
One man did come and he didn’t laugh at me. He wanted to know if my engine and working parts were okay. He started poking around, then it became more intense (I think humans would compare it with a colonscopy). He worked on me for a long time and I enjoyed the company (not so much the poking). The other vehicles turned away as I was being worked on and I am thankful. When he was done, I felt so much better. I wanted to show my humans how good I could run now and how cool my engine sounded. But alas, they are not here and are coming back in 3 weeks (which is what, as long as my tires will last?).
One good thing is that when the man started my Engine, all the other vehicles stopped laughing at me, kept their headlights at a respectable height and were silent. Oh, I sounded so good! The man turned on my radio and I was happy to hear English again. It was a song I really like “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”. He turned it up loud and I could feel my oil warming as I was thinking of my humans returning. Maybe they will come back when the rainbow shows, maybe that is what happens in 3 weeks?
In the meantime, here I sit waiting…….. and waiting….. and waiting.
This is a reflective time for me. The humans have put me in a container to be shipped to Belgium. I haven’t a clue what “Belgium” is but from how excited the humans are, I think it is like a giant Christmas store only for Jeeps. I can’t wait to get there, and I am making my list!
So here I sit in this dark container (it rocks quite a bit and makes me think water is involved) and am told it will take 20 days to get to Belgium. Once again, haven’t a clue how long this is but based on past history, the humans will show up and I will be driving again. While I am here, I have decided to think of this as a meditative journey and a chance to reflect on this past year. You may be curious as to what a Jeep thinks about? Considering what these humans have put me thru, my reflections mostly involve fear. So here I sit in this dark container rocking back and forth imagining the worse. Like maybe they put me on a very small boat and tipped me up to fit me in the boat? No, they wouldn’t do that! I think I am on a huge cruise liner with lots of other Jeeps and we are headed to “Ye Olde Jeep Christmas Shoppe”!
I have to be brave and trust that my humans will come back. I am thinking of all the times I have been brave. Like when I am on a very narrow, winding mountain road and a huge school bus (probably with broken brakes) comes racing down the mountain taking up over half of the road. I just squeeze my tires together as tight as I can to make myself smaller, dim my headlights and I don’t get knocked off the mountain. The huge potholes I’ve hit, makes my radiator rock and rotors roll. I come out of the hole in one piece and only my dignity is bruised. Then there are the animals that feel they can take liberties with my dignity. Really? peeing on my tires? It makes me feel like a urine collection site. And what am I supposed to do with the samples?
Then there are the Border crossings with guards and their roaming hands. Ugh! Everywhere they search and touch and move things. Every single time, it’s the same routine. But I endure, keep my headlights high and horn quiet. Does make me wonder how many more of these border crossings my humans are going to put me thru?
Yes, I am reflecting on this past year…………..
But mostly I’m making a Christmas wish list for when I arrive in Belgium!
When one is traveling in a container on a ship, there is not much to do but listen. So, I hear two men talking and laughing. The one man is talking about a blog with two humans who are traveling all around the world. As I listen to them, I realize they are talking about my humans and calling them “Tricky Tricksters Trippin’ on Truly Traveling Tales”. In-between the laughter, I realize that my humans are writing stories of their travels and not all the stories include me. I thought this trip was all about me! Oh no, my humans have been doing things behind my tailpipe! I’m listening to some of the stories and I’m shocked! It’s enough to make my spark plugs sizzle. My humans are talking about insignificant things like erupting volcanoes, double rainbows, mountain peaks and blue oceans. Really? I am a Jeep Cherokee, what else would there be to talk about but me?
I’m getting really angry with my humans. So, I’m sitting here, pondering my next wheel roll. I could run away (oh wait, I’m already doing that), I could go on strike and stop driving (already doing it), I could take a long vacation from the humans (in process now), I could blow my horn really long and loud (oops battery disconnected). So I can feel my radiator start to heat up, I am so upset and angry! I’m sitting here just ready to burst a hose! Then I hear it, softly at first but the two men kept repeating it “Yeah, and they got this Jeep cleaned up for this trip. Beautiful Jeep Cherokee”. Hey, they are talking about me! They noticed! Then they start talking about Eldo-ology stories. Yeah, way to go! I’m not feeling so angry anymore and I start thinking about my humans. Maybe they aren’t that bad, after all they are only human. Perhaps I was overheated just a bit. Maybe I could share my stories with some dumb erupting volcano. And I do kinda like the sound of it “Tricky Tricksters Trippin’ on Truly Traveling Tales”. My headlights slowly dim as I fall into a deep sleep dreaming of Eldo-ology stories (which are more than 50% of the blog).
Writer wishes to express gratitude to Rick Watts for his quote which inspired this story.